✂️ Challenging the Rules Starts With Learning Them
Picasso, belief systems, and why unlearning is harder than it sounds
I read something recently that stirred up a memory I hadn’t thought about in years, or maybe more honestly, something that had been sitting quietly in my subconscious, waiting for the right moment to resurface.
It was from an article by Sahil Bloom, where he wrote about a concept called Wittgenstein’s Ladder:
The tools that help you grow at the beginning are the tools you’ll need to scrap to achieve a higher end.
You climb the ladder—and then you throw it away.
He tied it to the Shu-Ha-Ri model, a Japanese framework for learning and mastery.
I’d come across the idea before, though I didn’t know it had a name. It was one of those frameworks that quietly made more sense the more I lived it.
The model breaks down into three stages:
Shu: Obey. Learn the rules.
Ha: Break. Challenge the rules.
Ri: Transcend. Create beyond the rules.
That structure — learn, question, evolve — triggered a vivid memory from a few years ago.
I was visiting the Museo Reina Sofía in Madrid. I didn’t go for anything specific, just to see some modern art. But then I walked into a room and stood in front of Guernica, Picasso’s towering anti-war painting.
And I froze.
I’d seen it before in books. I thought I understood it. But in person, it wasn’t a painting; it was a presence. Over 11 feet tall and 25 feet wide.
Stark, monochrome, distorted, alive. It shouted without a sound.
At first glance, it could pass for chaos — fractured figures, stretched expressions, scattered limbs. But something about the way it held all that tension in one frame felt painfully familiar. Like a mirror that distorts and reveals at the same time. It wasn’t beautiful. But it was real.
That’s when I remembered:
Picasso didn’t always paint like that.
He didn’t begin by challenging convention. He trained. He studied. He spent years mastering the basics.
His early work is surprisingly traditional: quiet portraits, precise proportions, classical balance. He didn’t skip steps. He didn’t fake originality. He learned the structure well enough to recognize when it no longer held what he needed to say. And only then did he abandon it.
That pattern doesn’t just apply to art.
It applies to how we live.
The Rules We Live By (and Often Don’t Question)
In The Code of the Extraordinary Mind, Vishen Lakhiani talks about “Brules” — Bullsh*t Rules. These are cultural scripts we inherit without noticing. They once made sense to someone, somewhere, but now quietly shape the way we see success, relationships, and ourselves.
You’ve heard them:
“A stable job means a 9-to-5.”
“You should have kids once you get married.”
“Success looks like money, status, and upward movement.”
“Putting yourself first is selfish.”
“Stick to one path. Stay consistent.”
They sound practical. And they feel true, especially when they’ve been part of your story for a long time.
That’s where it gets complicated.
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When Beliefs Become Identity
Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re following a rule, because it’s wrapped up in who we’ve been. Or who others expect us to be.
You might know this feeling:
You changed.
Maybe suddenly, an insight that broke something open.
Maybe slowly, a quiet drift you couldn’t ignore anymore.
And then, people you were once close to… start to feel further away.
That misalignment?
That subtle disconnection?
That’s grief.
And it's a real one. Because beliefs aren’t just private, they’re how we bond. They're part of the glue in families, friendships, and even entire communities12.
Challenging a belief can feel like you're threatening that bond. But growth doesn’t have to mean disconnection; it just asks for intention.
The hard part is learning how to stay rooted in who you’re becoming without cutting yourself off from who you've been. That’s not always possible, but it’s worth trying.
Because holding back just to keep the peace?
That’s not discipline. That’s avoidance.
How Do You Know Which Beliefs You've Outgrown?
You can’t challenge the rules if you don’t know which ones you’re still living by.
Start noticing the patterns that feel heavy or forced.
What routines or responses still shape your days, not because they make sense now, but because they once did?
What ideas do you defend out of loyalty, even if you’re not sure you believe them anymore?
These quiet tensions often point to a belief that no longer fits. Outdated beliefs don’t always announce themselves loudly; they show up in exhaustion, in guilt, in the sense that you’re slightly out of sync with yourself.
Try this:
Act — just for a day — as if you didn’t believe that belief.
See what shifts. What feels off. What feels like relief.
You’re not deleting who you were.
You’re making space to understand who you’ve become.
What Does ‘Ri’ Look Like in Everyday Life?
Ri isn’t always dramatic.
Sometimes it’s quiet, changing how you show up in a conversation, how you set a boundary, and how you make time for what matters.
It might mean quitting a job you stayed in too long.
It might mean parenting your child differently than you were parented.
It might mean building a structure that fits the life you want, instead of bending yourself into the one you were told to follow.
You don’t start by breaking things.
You start by listening closely enough to know what no longer makes sense.
Backed by Science
This process may feel intuitive, but there’s solid psychological research behind it.
What you're doing when you challenge long-held beliefs is known as cognitive reappraisal, a practice used in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to reframe how we interpret beliefs and situations, reducing their emotional grip. Research shows this approach calms the amygdala (our fear center) and strengthens the prefrontal cortex (where reasoning and long-term decision-making live)34.
There’s also the concept of identity-based habit change, grounded in behavioral psychology and popularized by James Clear. Change doesn’t hold unless it connects to identity, which is why letting go of a belief can feel like letting go of part of yourself56.
This isn’t failure. It’s rewiring. And your brain is built to do it78.
What this leaves us with
You can’t challenge rules you haven’t realized you’re still following. That’s where awareness matters most. Some beliefs stick not because they’re useful, but because they’ve become part of how we relate to people. Letting go of them can feel like letting go of who we used to be, and that’s not easy.
It’s not really about breaking the rule. It’s about facing why it’s still shaping your choices. And when you start noticing you’re acting more out of habit or fear of shaking things up than real alignment, it’s worth pausing. That’s not discipline. That’s something else.
Clarity doesn’t always hit like a revelation. Sometimes it’s a quiet shift, steady, slow, but unmistakable. And even when it feels messy or disorienting, there’s something deeper going on. You’re not lost. You’re rewiring. There’s structure in the discomfort.
Most people think mastery is loud. Big moves, big gestures. But more often, it’s subtle. It’s changing course without having to announce it. Doing something differently because it finally feels right.
You climb the ladder.
And then, you throw it away.
Have a wonderful week!
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Tajfel, H., & Turner, J. C. (1986). The social identity theory of intergroup behavior. Psychology of Intergroup Relations.
Cialdini, R. B., & Goldstein, N. J. (2004). Social influence: Compliance and conformity. Annual Review of Psychology, 55, 591–621.
Ochsner, K. N., & Gross, J. J. (2005). The cognitive control of emotion. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 9(5), 242–249.
Buhle, J. T., et al. (2014). Cognitive reappraisal of emotion: A meta-analysis of human neuroimaging studies. Cerebral Cortex, 24(11), 2981–2990.
Bem, D. J. (1972). Self-Perception Theory. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology, 6, 1–62.
Festinger, L. (1957). A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance. Stanford University Press.
Draganski, B., et al. (2004). Changes in grey matter induced by training. Nature, 427, 311–312.
Doidge, N. (2007). The Brain That Changes Itself. Penguin Books.
When I learned Ancient Greek at school, one aphorism struck me so keenly I still remember it: arche mathon archesthai - rule when you’ve learned to be ruled. Attributed to Solon, early Athenian lawmaker.
Very nice article 👏👌🏻