What Is Your Purpose? — Issue #7: Shane Copeland

Finding balance in a world that demands discipline.

Hello everyone!

Welcome to another biweekly issue of our series What Is Your Purpose?

If you’re wondering why the last one never showed up…you didn’t miss it. It didn’t happen. We launched our first Spotlight issue instead, and it turned out better than expected. The next one’s already in the works for next quarter.

These past weeks have been chaotic in the best and worst ways. A lot is moving behind the scenes of Self Disciplined, and for the first time, I feel like the pieces are starting to align. Clarity is at it's peak.

I’ve been making a deliberate effort to stay active on Substack and keep close to the authors I admire. It’s been hard to carve out the time, but every exchange has opened new doors — stronger relationships, collaborations I wouldn’t have seen coming, and ideas that sharpen everything we’re building.

But I have reserved a big part of this issue for our incredible guest. So I don't want to bore you with my stuff.

At least not today.

The author I’m featuring today joined Substack just weeks apart from when I did. And whether by coincidence or shared interest, we both write about discipline — though from different angles.

In his twenties, he bounced between extremes. On one side, reckless self-indulgence. On the other, a near-obsessive drive for discipline. He chased success so relentlessly it nearly cost him his marriage. He believed more effort, stricter habits, or blind sacrifice would finally silence the frustration of never feeling enough.

He learned the hard way that it doesn’t work like that.

Now, his work reaches around 750 readers — and keeps growing — as he shares what he’s learned about building discipline without losing yourself in the process.

I’m genuinely looking forward to sharing his story with you.

Shane Copeland

writes The Behavioural Engineer, a space for insights, practical tools, and the occasional half-formed reflection — all designed to help you reclaim your time, energy, and focus for the things that actually matter.

So how did Shane get here?

I’ll let him tell you.

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The “Golden” Days

Many people lament the passing of time. They bathe in the nostalgia of their youth, marking those years as “the golden days.” My childhood was a far cry from that.

It took me a while to find my friendship group. Most of my break times in primary school were spent alone, tucked away in a quiet corner of the playground, waiting to get back to lessons.

Life at home wasn’t much better. While I’m grateful I had a mother who loved me dearly, the atmosphere was one of near-constant tension. Arguments. Slammed doors. Mum was sleep-deprived from night shifts and raising two kids. We were constantly tiptoeing around my dad’s infamous temper, lest he erupt and bring the whole house down with him.

Looking back, the path I took almost seems inevitable.

At 14, I did what many emotionally scarred kids from working-class northern families do. I started taking drugs.

It began innocently enough as a casual smoke with friends. But it quickly spiralled into regular, reckless use of Class As.

That was by far the darkest period of my life. I’d pretty much resigned myself to dying young from an overdose. That was about as close as I ever came to having a goal.

One morning, after a particularly messy evening, I was lying in bed – consumed by the usual cocktail of regret, self-disgust, and heart palpitations. And it suddenly dawned on me how selfish I was being. I might not have cared if my substance abuse killed me, but how would my mum cope? It would destroy her.

That was the wake-up call I needed.

I didn’t clean up my act overnight. But I started eating better, got into strength training, and gradually the drugs started to fade into the background. Health and fitness became the vehicle that pulled me out of the hell I’d created. A definite upgrade from drug addiction.

But as you might’ve guessed already, I have a tendency to take things to extremes. Health was no different.

Trading One Obsession for Another

I couldn’t just eat well and train regularly. I felt compelled to optimise every corner of my life. The next seven years were filled with fad diets, wellness hacks, and borderline conspiracy-level “protocols.”

On the outside, I looked disciplined. On the inside… it was less glamorous.

I told myself I was destined for something greater. In reality, “something greater” just meant constant food anxiety, a dwindling social life, and the growing pressure of keeping up with the impossible standards I’d set myself.

This approach showed up in my professional life too. I was always considered hardworking and reliable (post-drug phase), but things turned especially dark when I made my first attempt at launching my own coaching business a few years back.

I refused to switch off. Early mornings, late nights, weekends... I even spent meals where I should’ve been present with my partner, agonising over content ideas.

All the while, I was praised for my discipline. And I lapped it up. That external validation became the sweet nectar I clung to, much like I once clung to the last remnants of my stash.

Maybe I hadn’t changed as much as I thought.

People might have admired my discipline, but here’s what they missed: showing up with that level of consistency and intensity is easy when the alternative is drowning in guilt, shame, and self-disgust. But it’s hardly something to aspire to.

I’ve lived both extremes: reckless hedonism and ultra-disciplined health nut turned workaholic. Both made me miserable.

Another Flavour of Discipline

I still hold myself to high standards. I’m not anti-discipline. I’m not against struggle. And I don’t think we need to shun ambition. I love all that stuff.

I still want to explore my limits physically. I still have big ambitions professionally.

But what matters to me now is why we chase these things, where they’re taking us, and how we treat ourselves along the way.

Discipline and tenacity absolutely matter - at least to me - but the way we approach them often doesn’t serve us. From the outside, it can be hard to tell the difference between someone driven by fear, scarcity, and insecurity… and someone driven by self-respect, curiosity, and a genuine desire to grow.

On the inside, though, the difference is obvious. And it’s an ugly one.

These days, my purpose - so to speak - lies in showing up for myself with integrity, authenticity, and compassion.

It’s tempting to externalise purpose as the impact we want to have on the world, and I think that’s totally valid. I just know that, for me, it runs the risk of becoming yet another external metric on which to base my worth.

We put so much energy into trying to look, be, and do better that we often forget to ask:

Am I even enjoying the life I’m building?

For the longest time, I wasn’t.

Now, I’m more focused on how it feels to live my life than how it looks from the outside.

Shane is a Health & Performance Coach and author of The Behavioural Engineer. He helps those who’ve lost touch with their health while chasing professional success rebuild a body that performs, a mind that feels lighter, and a life that actually feels like their own.

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Thank you, Shane, for sharing your story.

Thank you for trusting us with your vulnerability. I know — and I’m sure many readers know too — how hard it is to revisit the moments we wish had gone differently, let alone share them with an audience.

The most impactful stories are the ones that become lessons. That's the narrative that give us the power to change things.

Many parts of Shane’s story hit close to home for me. And I’m sure they did for many of you, because they’re real, and human:

On the outside, I looked disciplined. On the inside… it was less glamorous.

I’ve felt that oh so many times. And while it’s not a clinical term, I think it deserves a name: high-functioning executive dysfunction.

I know the feeling. And honestly, it made me feel betrayed by everything I thought I knew about discipline. Even though I’ve never been labeled as disciplined — quite the opposite actually, which is partly why I started this publication — there have been moments in where people would praise me when my results were outstanding, while in the inside I would be exhausted… and that didn’t sit right. Something didn’t click.

I felt like I was functioning, but broken.

I’m sure some of you have felt the same, and I hope that number is not too big because it's not a good feeling.

That being said, Shane’s reflection:

But what matters to me now is why we chase these things, where they’re taking us, and how we treat ourselves along the way.

Discipline and tenacity absolutely matter — at least to me — but the way we approach them often doesn’t serve us.

Resonated a lot with me. Because that’s the shift I’ve been working on in this journey.

Reframing discipline itself.

We’ve been told that if we refuse to grind nonstop, if we don’t push through on willpower alone, then we’re weak.

That we don’t deserve success.

But the more I’ve written about it, the more I’ve inevitably reflected on what discipline really is.

And the pieces began to fall into place.

We’re running a marathon, not a sprint. Discipline shouldn’t force us to run it like everyone else. It should help us adapt. It should allow us to pause when we need to, drift when life demands it, and lead us back to the path.

That’s how Adaptable Discipline was born.

Not a template based on pressure, but a framework rooted in return.

If you’ve been reading my articles for a while, you might’ve noticed — or maybe not — that every piece I write carries some part of that lesson. It’s the heart of why I’m here.

Discipline can be gentle. It can be kind. It can help us return instead of punishing us for drifting.

Because discipline is about learning — that’s what discere, the etymological root of the word, really means in Latin.

I’ll stop myself from branching this conversation out, but if this struck a chord, I’ve built a site that walks you through the full framework at no cost. You’re welcome to check it out, and share it if you know someone who might need it.

If you’ve been struggling with discipline… if the usual advice never worked for you… I hope Shane’s story, this newsletter, and these resources give you something real to hold onto.

We all deserve a way back and the chance to become who we want to be.

Have a wonderful week!

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You don’t need more pressure.

You need a system that meets you where you are. Especially on the hard days.

Inside the Disciplined Circle, every Thursday you’ll get tools to practice Adaptable Discipline:

✓ Reflection prompts to surface blind spots and shift limiting beliefs
✓ Micro-practices that make coming back easier than quitting
✓ Identity and system audits to reshape habits with less friction
✓ Gentle weekly challenges designed for real life, not ideal conditions
✓ A realignment tracker that helps you notice, reset, and grow

This is where insight becomes movement, and movement becomes who you are.
Not a streak to maintain. A rhythm you can return to.

👉 Upgrade now and start your realignment practice today.

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✨ Ideas Worth Exploring

If this piece resonated, here are a few more that go hand-in-hand.

What If You’ve Been Measuring Progress the Wrong Way All Along?

Why Mastering Adaptable Discipline Unlocks Your Greatest Success

⚙️How to Build Discipline That Actually Lasts

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