As I’ve mentioned in previous articles, I was born and raised in Chile. My childhood unfolded during a transitional period for the country, marked by economic and political turbulence that inevitably shaped our household and the opportunities we had.
One consequence of this was that we never really traveled abroad. My first time leaving Chile wasn’t until high school when I crossed the border into Argentina. So, years later, when my parents offered to either help me buy a car or fund a trip, the decision felt monumental.
Naturally, I chose the car.
Just kidding! I chose the trip. Europe, to be specific.
With some savings from freelance work, I packed my bags and set off on a forty-day journey that would take me to fifteen cities. Along the way, I made friends, navigated unfamiliar environments, and learned a lot about myself. But more than anything else — and the reason I’m writing this — I discovered something liberating: I’m no one, and that’s perfectly okay.
Looking back, I’ve noticed that Chilean culture has slowly evolved into something less overtly judgmental than it was back then. Of course, judgment still lingers, not just in Chile but in many places. That said, the shift toward acceptance — especially among younger generations — feels tangible1.
In my college years, however, the weight of judgment fed into my anxiety. I often felt like I was walking on eggshells, constantly worrying about what others might say or think about my choices. It shaped how I spoke, how I carried myself, and even how I dreamed.
That trip to Europe shattered those insecurities.
I quickly realized that, for the most part, people were busy minding their own business. I could’ve run naked down the street — not that I did, of course; it’s illegal almost everywhere (and my inner voice would never let me 😛) — but even if I had, people might have stared briefly before going about their day.
In that context, you’re no one. And as strange as it sounds, that realization was freeing. Being no one meant being untethered by the fear of judgment. It was a relief to let go of those imaginary chains and embrace the fact that, in the grand scheme of things, we’re all just living our lives. And that’s absolutely fine.
Why are we so hard on ourselves
Research shows that we often judge ourselves much more harshly than we deserve. This happens because of how our minds work and the way we tend to overthink.
One idea that explains this is something called the introspection illusion. It means that we trust the thoughts we have about ourselves and why we do things, even though those thoughts aren’t always accurate2. Instead of knowing the real reasons behind our actions, we often make up explanations after the fact. This can make us believe we’re worse at something or more flawed than we really are.
Another reason we’re so hard on ourselves is confirmation bias. This happens when we focus more on things that prove what we already believe and ignore anything that doesn’t. If you tend to think negatively about yourself, you’re more likely to notice your mistakes and forget about your successes. Over time, this makes you feel like you’re always failing, even when that’s not true.
An article in The Atlantic talks about how thinking about yourself too much can make you unhappy. Constantly picking apart your actions and worrying about your flaws can lead to a cycle of negativity, where you feel worse and worse about yourself.
The good news is that understanding these patterns can help you break free from them. By being kinder to yourself and focusing on your strengths as much as your weaknesses, you can develop a more balanced and realistic view of who you are.
How Does This Thinking Impact Our Discipline
When we focus too much on negative thoughts about ourselves, it can lead to overthinking, distracting thoughts, procrastination, and even self-sabotage. Over time, this can make it harder to stay disciplined and achieve our goals.
One common issue is rumination, which is when we keep replaying negative thoughts over and over in our minds. Instead of solving problems, rumination makes us feel stuck and can even increase feelings of sadness or frustration3. When we’re overly self-critical, we’re more likely to get caught in this cycle, which takes up mental energy and reinforces those negative beliefs about ourselves.
Another problem is intrusive thoughts — those unwanted, repetitive ideas that pop into our minds and won’t go away. These thoughts can make it hard to focus and stay calm. Managing them takes a lot of mental effort, which can drain the energy we need for self-control and good decision-making. This is called ego depletion, which is the idea that self-control works like a battery that can run out when it’s overused4.
When we feel overwhelmed by negative thoughts, it’s easy to procrastinate. We might avoid tasks because we’re afraid of failing or doubting ourselves5. Unfortunately, procrastination often leads to guilt, which makes us feel even worse and less confident, creating a cycle that’s hard to break.
All this overthinking and self-criticism can also make it harder to think clearly and make good decisions. Studies show that when people feel stressed or emotionally drained, they’re more likely to make impulsive choices or avoid important tasks altogether6. This can disrupt routines and make it even harder to stay disciplined.
By learning to manage negative self-awareness, we can break these cycles and build habits that support discipline and success.
Soon The World Will Have Forgotten You
As I’ve mentioned before, realizing that to the rest of the world, you’re essentially no one can be incredibly freeing. In fact, it’s not just okay — it’s empowering.
Fame often highlights the challenges of constant scrutiny. A 2024 Vogue article shared pop star Chappell Roan's honest thoughts on this. In a candid Instagram post, she talked about setting boundaries between her public and private life, asking fans and the media to respect her space. When you’re constantly in the spotlight, it’s easy to lose touch with who you are, inflate your ego, or even spiral into anxiety as you try to avoid being noticed.
While I’m not famous — and have no plans to be — I know what it feels like to be judged or feel like all eyes are on you. Chances are, you’ve felt that way too at some point. That sense of being watched can create a loop of negative self-talk and self-awareness that affects how we think, feel, and make decisions.
But here’s the truth: most people aren’t paying that much attention to us. Marcus Aurelius summed it up perfectly in Meditations (paid link):
“Soon you will have forgotten the world, and soon the world will have forgotten you.”
Accepting this can free you from the weight of judgment and unnecessary self-criticism, and for people like me, it can even ease anxious thoughts.
Of course, balance is key. Keeping your ego in check doesn’t mean ignoring feedback entirely. It’s still important to value constructive criticism, especially when it comes from people you know and trust.
Some strategies to manage self-awareness
Shifting to a mindset where you embrace being no one takes time. It’s a gradual change, and during this process, it’s common to grapple with excessive self-awareness that can stall productivity and cloud decision-making. The constant worry about what others think, coupled with the pressure to be perfect, often prevents us from taking action or moving forward. However, self-awareness doesn’t have to be a roadblock. When managed effectively, it can become a powerful tool for growth and improvement instead of a source of overthinking and self-doubt.
If you’re searching for ways to harness self-awareness without falling into the traps of overthinking or harsh self-criticism, the following strategies, grounded in research, can help you maintain balance and make meaningful progress:
Differentiate Between Self-Reflection and Rumination
Cultivate Self-Compassion
Use Behavioral Experiments to Challenge "What Will They Say" Anxiety
Reframe Negative Feedback
Set "Action Goals" Instead of "Identity Goals"
Practice Mindfulness to Stay Present
Reframe Social Comparisons
Use Writing as a Mental Outlet
Challenge Catastrophizing with "What If?" Scenarios
Break Tasks into Small, Manageable Steps
Let’s explore each of these strategies in more detail.
Differentiate Between Self-Reflection and Rumination
Shift your self-awareness toward constructive self-reflection rather than rumination. Focus on solutions and learning, rather than repeatedly analyzing the problem.
Research shows that self-reflection is beneficial for personal growth, while excessive rumination can lead to negative outcomes such as stress and mental fatigue7.
Cultivate Self-Compassion
When self-awareness turns critical, counter it by practicing self-compassion. Treat yourself with kindness, acknowledging your humanity and imperfection. Studies show that self-compassion reduces rumination and fosters emotional resilience89.
Use Behavioral Experiments to Overcome "What Will They Say" Anxiety
Expose yourself to situations where you fear judgment and track the actual outcomes to test your assumptions. Behavioral experiments, a key component of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), are designed to help individuals confront feared situations and evaluate the reality of their assumptions, such as fears of negative judgment or social rejection. By actively engaging in these experiments, individuals can gather evidence that contradicts their catastrophic predictions, fostering a more realistic and adaptive perspective.
Studies show that behavioral experiments reduce social anxiety symptoms by 50–60%, as demonstrated in interventions based on the cognitive model of social anxiety disorder10. These findings underscore the transformative power of systematically challenging one’s assumptions through exposure to feared scenarios and tracking actual outcomes.
Reframe Negative Feedback
Learn to manage perfectionism by improving how you respond to mistakes and feedback. Research shows that people who can stay calm and focused, even when things don’t go as planned, are less likely to dwell on their failures. By practicing how to see feedback as helpful instead of harmful, you can break free from overthinking and feel more confident moving forward11.
Set "Action Goals" Instead of "Identity Goals"
Frame your objectives as actionable behaviors (e.g., “I will write daily”) instead of identity-focused aspirations (e.g., “I must be a great writer”). Focus on improving your skills and embracing challenges rather than trying to prove your worth or meet unattainable ideals.
Research shows that setting goals to learn and grow helps you stay motivated, overcome obstacles, and achieve better results, compared to aiming for perfection or avoiding failure12.
Practice Mindfulness to Stay Present
Practice mindfulness meditation to strengthen your ability to focus on the present moment and manage your thoughts effectively. Research shows that meditation enhances attention regulation and emotional monitoring, helping to reduce distractions and prevent your mind from dwelling on worries about the past or future13.
Reframe Social Comparisons
Focus on your own progress instead of comparing yourself to others. Research shows that individuals who are less influenced by social comparisons experience greater emotional stability and well-being. By shifting attention away from competing with others and towards personal growth, you can maintain a more positive outlook and enhance your motivation14.
Use Writing as a Mental Outlet
Expressive writing can help you process emotions, clarify your thoughts, and reduce stress. Research shows that writing about emotional experiences promotes physical and mental well-being, making it particularly beneficial for individuals recovering from socially or emotionally challenging situations15.
Challenge Catastrophizing with "What If?" Scenarios
Address negative thinking by approaching your thoughts with curiosity and balance. Mindfulness — and acceptance — based strategies teach you to observe your thoughts without judgment and consider both risks and opportunities, helping to reduce anxiety and repetitive thinking while fostering a more grounded perspective.
Break Tasks into Small, Manageable Steps
Overcome task paralysis by breaking tasks into smaller, manageable parts. Start with a single sentence or a small action to create momentum.
As Charles Duhigg explains in The Power of Habit (paid link), small wins set off a chain reaction that can lead to significant progress. Similarly, James Clear’s Atomic Habits (paid link) highlights that focusing on small, consistent actions reduces resistance and builds the foundation for long-term success.
Takeaways
The concepts related to self-awareness can feel overwhelming, but here’s the key takeaway I want to leave you with:
It’s okay to be self-aware and self-critical — that’s what keeps us grounded and allows us to act as agents of change and good in society. The key, as with most things, is moderation.
Excessive self-awareness, on the other hand, can create a toxic relationship with ourselves, leading to damaging consequences like self-sabotage, impaired decision-making, anxiety, and endless rumination.
Remember, what we do is often ephemeral. At some point, people won’t remember the details, or they may remember them incorrectly. Everyone is the center of their own universe, which means people aren’t focused on you nearly as much as you think. For most, we’re just passing through — we’re no one. And that’s perfectly fine.
Focus on the strategies shared in this article to nurture a healthier relationship with yourself and your environment. These tools will help you create the boundaries necessary to keep your ego in check while minimizing the impact of what others might think or say.
How do you manage your self-awareness and expectations? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Have a wonderful week!
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Gustavo Barrera-Verdugo (2023) The link between social media exposure and students’ moral reasoning and environmental concern: A generational analysis in Chile, Cogent Social Sciences, 9:1, 2167570, DOI: 10.1080/23311886.2023.2167570
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