Some Weeks Need Grace More Than Discipline
What a takeout night, a movie, and one small pause taught me about stress and recovery
A big part of this past week was hard.
Not only for me, but for my entire family.
My youngest hasn’t had the best last couple of nights, and it has been rough for all of us. Everybody has a lower tolerance level than on better days. We are more irritable, less sharp, our energy is low, and we are more emotional and more prone to not making the best decisions.
Free weekly reflections for sustainable discipline.
Straight to your inbox.
That applied to everybody in the household, myself included. Monday was bearable, Tuesday was hard... by the time we reached Wednesday, we were all foggy and out of ourselves.
At home, I’m typically the designated chef. I like to cook, especially if it’s for people that I love.
And I try to do my best...
When my energy matches.
My energy in particular has been pretty off this week because, on top of the household lack-of-sleep-bounded chaos, I have also been going to bed pretty late.
It’s the only time I have to prepare my talk, edit my book, and work on my personal projects. Preparing the talk is especially hard because I have to put all my energy into practicing, but besides that I also have to prepare all the logistics that come with it: clothes, traveling, etc.
And because the date is getting closer, stress plays a role there too.
So, cooking was not really something I wanted to do on Wednesday. I just wanted to get home with my wife and the kids, watch a movie, get some takeout, and then just rest.
So on my drive back from picking up the kids at daycare, while I was on the phone with my wife, an idea popped up.
Why don’t we just do that?
So I told my wife: let’s leave all the problems outside and just order takeout, watch a movie with the kids, and call it a day. Let’s not think about anything else for today.
So that’s what we did. And you know? Life gets so routine as we grow up, especially when you have kids and you want to give them structure, that getting out of that structure sometimes feels off.
But compared with other similar times, when any of us would have exploded, nothing like that happened. In the past it has happened more times than I’d be proud to count, but I rest in the comfort that we have learned, and that we have embraced the uncomfortable. Studies suggest that when we are tired or under stress, we become more reactive and less regulated, which is exactly when giving ourselves a bit of grace can help us avoid making things worse1.
Rest is part of the work.
In the end, we had fun, we ate well, and we had a good time before bedtime. The kids still followed the routine for the most part, I didn’t cook, my wife got her fair share of cookies and ice cream, her favorite, and for an instant, it was the best day of the week, against all odds. At least for me.
If you are having hard days, it would be naive to say, just make sure not to let drift run its course. You will still be tired. You will still be foggy and fatigued.
But if you give yourself a minute to stop and breathe, you’ll realize that you actually have options, and those will determine how your day will go after that.
Sometimes all it takes is some takeout, cookies and ice cream, and a movie.
In the next paid companion, I’ll break down how to catch that moment before dysregulation takes over, and how to create enough space to choose a better response even when you’re tired, foggy, and running on little sleep.
For now, make sure you pick a good flick and that your family is all together to enjoy tonight.
Have a wonderful week!
✨Ideas Worth Exploring
If this piece resonated, here are a few more that go hand-in-hand.
Tomaso, C. C., Johnson, A. B., & Nelson, T. D. (2021). The effect of sleep deprivation and restriction on mood, emotion, and emotion regulation: Three meta-analyses in one. Sleep, 44(6), zsaa289. https://doi.org/10.1093/sleep/zsaa289