In the last couple of weeks we talked about the idea of manufactured urgency and burnout.
This week I want to talk about something a little bit different. And it’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot recently, because it sort of connects with a set of ideas that I’ve been brewing for a long time, and that I actually materialized in my TEDx talk. I don’t know if you remember it. Here’s the link if you want to watch it. But the gist of it is that if we want to be agents of change, the change has to start with us.
I believe in what I call bottom-up agency — the ability to self-govern and take aligned action at any systemic level —, which is compatible with top-down governance in systems.
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What do I mean by this though?
What I mean is that in order to coexist with others, we have to follow the rules we as society have set. We are gregarious beings, hence it’s in our best interest to follow them, and of course, when it applies, to advocate for a change when they don’t make sense anymore.
But rules are not sufficient. These rules are part of the top-down governance I mentioned before. The rules come from the top, and they act as the space within which we can act. Now, the line is drawn and we have boundaries and that’s fantastic, but ultimately we still have to develop the judgement to actually make the right decisions based on what our goals are. Not necessarily what everybody outside tells you they think is right, but what we deem is right for us — of course within the moral, ethical and legal boundaries.
We need something that helps us make those decisions. Some would call it a moral compass. But I think it goes beyond that. I call it a constitution.
So, what I want to talk about today is a little bit about that. About what constitutions are, why having a constitution — like a personal constitution — matters, to actually return and make better decisions with ease, and how this can be something that we can export to other systems that we are inserted into, like our families, our teams, and how this helps us make more aligned decisions, like joining the proper teams, joining the proper companies, building the family and the experiences that align with what we want for our lives.
It’s all rooted in purpose
Here in Self Disciplined we’ve talked a lot about purpose, in fact, there is a full series I created last year that was called What Is Your Purpose?. There, we discussed the idea of purpose from a realistic side, through the eyes and experience of fellow authors, who were kind enough to share their time with us.
One of the ideas I kept with me after this series finished, is that purpose comes in many forms and shapes, sometimes more subtly than others, but regardless, purpose is important if we want to bring direction to our life and control the effect of drift in our lives.
We tend to assume that purpose has to be an epiphany or something grandiose, and with it comes the subsequent assumption that we should follow that no matter what, that we should push ourselves to bring that purpose to life, and that willpower is enough to make it happen — if there is a will, there is a way. In consequence, a misunderstanding brews that leads us to think that purpose is coupled to motivation, and motivation is coupled to discipline.
The reality is motivation wanes, with or without purpose, and because the idea of discipline has been warped across time, we think we have to rely on willpower to be disciplined.
All of this is false. Talking about purpose is not talking about the purpose of our life. That’s a different and deeper conversation, and something that is out of the scope of this article.
Purpose, for this matter, is nothing else than the answer to the why for the direction you are taking, at your work, at home or in your own stuff. This means that we don’t need just one purpose, that it will depend on the context surrounding it, and that purpose is not something that you set one time and that’s it. It can change.
And when that happens, the intended direction changes too.
Aligning direction
You can’t objectively be coherent if you don’t have a direction. For the extent of this article coherence is the property of alignment with a direction. The good news is, there is usually always a reason for why you do what you do, even if that reason doesn’t make sense for others. So at an atomic level, your actions typically match your judgement at the time: I did Y for X reason.
We are getting in philosophical terrain here, but it’s worth understanding this, to understand the need for a constitution. So I will recapitulate the idea so far:
We act because of reasons. Those are our why. That’s our purpose. At least for that act.
When we act, the reason may or may not be reasonable for others. But because we acted, it means that the reason made sense for us at the time of the action, otherwise we wouldn’t have done it.
All good? Great, because we will keep building on this.
We tend to be more coherent when our actions overall share a similar direction, and we tend to be less coherent when our actions go in different directions.
In the long term, because drift is ever present, coherence tends to behave as an asymptote: we can get close to coherence, but we can’t reasonably fully reach it, and that’s okay. The main reason is that maintaining coherence comes at a cost. As we have discussed in previous issues, drift is the default, so it spreads without difficulty. Coherence on the other hand must be maintained — we have to be intentional and our why has to align on most of the actions we take — and that takes time and effort. Because we are human, and life happens, we will be subject to drift at some point in our lives, and, with the right preparation, we can minimize drift, but not fully eliminate it.
As you can see, trying to eliminate drift is futile. Doing that would be like the myth of Sisyphus applied to human behavior. I don’t think there are humans that are really one hundred percent coherent every day of their lives, and it’s probably something that we will never know.
Here, we have two choices: we either let ourselves go, and let the default take the reins or we play with the cards we have. Now, coherence, as I mentioned, comes at a cost and paying it from willpower alone is not bearable nor sustainable. What we need are systems that can help us lift that maintenance cost, making alignment cheaper over time.
A constitution is one of those systems.
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What a constitution is
What do you think of when the word constitution is mentioned?
I would imagine that it’s the document a country has, that declares the foundations on which such country operates, and that’s instrumental in shaping the identity of the nation-state.
If you go to a dictionary, the definition is not too far from it:
a : the basic principles and laws of a nation, state, or social group that determine the powers and duties of the government and guarantee certain rights to the people in it
b often Constitution : a written instrument embodying the rules of a political or social organization
specifically : the U.S. Constitution
So constitutions are instruments that allow organizations to determine the ruling principles and guarantees under which they operate.
Businesses and governmental organizations typically have formal or informal constitutions that share their identity, mission and ruling principles and values. For instance Amazon uses their Leadership Principles to rule the business from the bottom up: every member of the company uses this set of principles to make decisions or to settle tension when making a decision that affects the business, and to operate within the boundaries of that company in general. Anthropic also shares their constitution with the public, as a way to hold themselves publicly accountable for Claude’s character.
These constitutions allow these organizations and their members to decide, and guide their judgement towards an aligned direction.
So anchoring on this, if companies and organizations have constitutions that help them guide judgement and lift the decisional cost of keeping drift at bay, why couldn’t we have individual, personal constitutions?
A personal constitution is nothing different from an organizational one. This topic is not new. I like to think of a personal constitution as a document containing these three elements:
A mission — The ultimate goal you are trying to achieve. Doesn’t need to be something far-fetched, it can be something simple and abstract like, I want to be the best version of myself I can be.
A set of principles — These are a set of fundamental truths, laws, guidelines or moral beliefs that helps us reason and behave when making decisions and taking action. For instance I value the time with my family, or Listening with intention matters.
A personal declaration — This is your reminder of why you are doing this. Your values, your beliefs and your reasons.
If you think about it, in this case, this is not a set of rules. It’s a set of guidelines. What we are borrowing from legal constitutions is the idea of this set being an instrument that helps anchor identity and guide judgement rather than enforce behavior. A way to make decisions faster because it’s a constant reminder of what’s important, and why. A reminder of what the direction is, so you can stay aligned. Having this makes coherence attainable, and helps you act with less deliberation in times where drift could pull you.
Just as purpose is not a forever thing, your constitution is not a static document. It’s a snapshot of where you are now, and a reflection of your why and your direction. So it’s vital to keep it updated, so your actions align with the most current direction.
Another important point I’d like to add here is that it’s not a requirement to just have one constitution. You can have one for different aspects of your life; what’s important is that these constitutions align in the same direction, and it’s up to you to keep them updated. My recommendation would be to not keep too many because the cost scales with the number.
How does a constitution help us return?
I think at this point you may have an answer already, but I will state it out loud.
When you know what your direction is, it’s easier to notice when you are off track. And when you know that you are off track, it’s always good to have a reminder of what principles we can follow to return.
Now, what to do is not always crystal clear. Sometimes our principles may conflict when we are in the process of returning, and that’s where our mission — and looking for the option that serves the most principles at once — helps. For instance, let’s say this is my constitution — just as an example:
Mission: I want to be the best version of myself I can be
Principles (subset):
I value the time with my family — Being present matters, not only in presence but mentally, my family is the most important thing in my life. Every minute with them matters, and every moment has to be spent as if it was the last one.
Listening with intention matters — I like to be listened to, so I must do the same. If somebody spends their time sharing something with me, it’s because it’s important to them, so I must devote the same time listening actively and engage with the conversation.
Every failure is a learning — Learning is in my DNA and we become old when we stop learning. I value self-reliance and independence. Plus, I always like to solve a good puzzle. If I fail it’s not the end of the world, it’s feedback for how to do it right the next time.
The clock keeps ticking — Don’t spend too much time dwelling on events. Good or bad, the clock keeps ticking, and you have to stay in the game.
Put the oxygen mask first — You can’t help others if you can’t help yourself first. Be willing to put the oxygen mask first so you can help others put theirs.
Declaration: ...This is important because I can’t be a good role model for my kids if I’m not the best version of myself...
Let’s say I’m under high levels of stress and I’m drifting hard: irritable, less talkative, tired. This is clearly not the direction I want to take. I’m being pulled out of the path that leads me to be my best self.
How do I get back on track?
There is a plethora of options. Some of them will be more extreme than others, but just to illustrate let’s go through a subset:
I could go to the gym and work out, not my fave, but effective.
I could write in my spare time to release tension.
I could leave some time to meditate every day.
I could cook for the family, because cooking is relaxing, for me at least.
I could drink some nice wine to feel “more at ease”, it gets me sleepy though, so maybe too at ease.
I could go to the casino, I like to play blackjack, I’m fairly good at it.
I could go party, after all, it seems to work for some people.
If we apply a first round of constitutional check, a good chunk goes away right away:
I could drink some wine — This goes away because it wouldn’t let me spend time with my family properly and listen intently as I’d want. I don’t want to model that you have to drink alcohol to feel better or to return to your baseline.
I could go to the casino — I don’t think this is something I’d like to model to my kids. I like going to the casino and have fun, don’t get me wrong, but again, I won’t model the idea of going there when under stress, or to release stress.
I could go party — This is not necessarily bad (depends on how you like to party), but assuming that it would be partying until late wouldn’t leave me in condition to spend quality time with my family and listen attentively, and I don’t think that would help on top of stress.
Let’s review the remaining options:
I could go to the gym and work out — This aligns strongly with putting the oxygen mask first. I can’t help others if I don’t help myself first. But this potentially takes time I can spend with my family.
I could write in my spare time to release tension — Just like the gym option, this aligns with the mission as long as it doesn’t take away time with my family.
I could leave some time to meditate every day — Same as the two previous options.
I could cook for the family — This opens the possibility of cooking with the family, and if not, at least it lets me serve them and share my love language while at the same time spending time together while dining, which opens the doors to listen attentively.
All these options are attractive, but the majority present the tension of “spending time with my family” vs “putting the oxygen mask first”.
Out of all these options the most attractive one is the last one, cooking, mainly because it satisfies both principles that are in tension in the previous scenarios.
This decision doesn’t exclude the fact that I could still do the rest as well, but cooking, given the example scenario, is what feels the most coherent next step, because it aligns with what matters to me, and the direction that I’m trying to take, meaning that by doing this, I would be starting the return back to my baseline.
So, once you practice discipline, and use a constitution as support, you’ll realize that things around you begin to change. You are becoming an agent of change.
Becoming an agent of change
When you start moving around following a direction, something happens. People around you start noticing, you become more coherent, hence, you become more whole and solid. You stop just accepting whatever comes, and do things intentionally, aligned with the direction you want to take. You become more reliable. You may fail at times, but that’s okay, because you know you have a north star that can help you get back on track.
Then you realize that you are not alone, and sometimes the institutions that we are part of may or may not have a clear direction. Depending on your level of involvement and interest in remaining part of that group, you realize it’s on you (and on the rest of the members of the institution) to either influence that direction, reassess your own direction based on the direction of the institution, or simply determine if you still want to be part of that group. Rules help, but without everyone collaborating (either by helping direct, aligning with the institution or just leaving), there can’t be real change.
This applies to any type of institution or social group. The closest one would be your family.
My wife and I have been talking about some ideas to make our kids feel part of the family as they grow up, and we thought about some of the traditions we want to follow as a family, and the idea of family we want to bring to our kids. That’s part of an informal declaration of who we want to be as a unit. Just like that, there are principles that we share with our kids that we hope will help them grow into productive members of society and future adults we want to be around. For instance there is a principle I like to share with them in times of tension: we don’t scream or get violent with one another. Simple as that. When there is conflict between my two little ones and I hear one of them screaming I step in to make clear that, while feeling frustrated is okay, we can always take a better approach.
My hope is that, as they grow up, they hold these principles with them when things are at stake.
You don’t need to have this written somewhere, although it’s ideal. What’s important is that you make these principles visible and part of your routine, so your kids become part of the change themselves.
Some days will be harder, that’s for sure, but following these principles will also help you become a person of integrity inside the group you are building, improving the bond and trust with the other members of it.
What to do next?
Now that you know the structure of a constitution, and how you can build them across different organizations, my recommendation is to start small.
Start with a small constitution, iterate, see if the direction you ought to take is the one you really mean to take; see if the mission and principles really align with that direction, or if it’s supporting a different one.
If you do this, I’d like to invite you to come back to the comments in a couple of weeks and share if it has helped you. For me, thinking in terms of constitutions has lifted a massive decisional weight off my shoulders, not because I didn’t know what was important for me before, but because I don’t have to hold it in my head every single day. At this point I know it by heart.
In our next companion we’ll go through some katas that will help us exercise our constitution in a way that helps us keep our intended direction.
Until then, think about the direction you have been following, and what direction you actually want to follow.
I hope you have a wonderful week!
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