Confidence Is Built on Return
What preparing for TEDx showed me about discipline, self-doubt, and trusting the work I had already done.
And in a weekend, it was gone.
I had been preparing for months for an event that went by in a blink.
Regardless, I had a blast.
Last Saturday, in North Carolina, I had the honor of being a speaker at TEDx Apex. My wife, my biggest supporter, and I traveled from our home in the Seattle area on Thursday, super early. We were both tired, but pretty hopeful that the experience would be an enriching one, and we were not wrong.
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The flight was long, and the time zone change did not help much. We arrived almost at the end of the day, so we only got to walk around a little, enjoy the surroundings. There was a beach festival right outside our hotel, but it was sold out. After that, we just rested for the next day: rehearsal day.
Meeting everyone there was a treat. Everybody was in the same boat.
I finally got to meet in person the people I had been preparing alongside for months. All of us were there, just trying to do our best and share our ideas the best way we could.
If you are new here and unfamiliar with my ideas, the main one I have been trying to spread is that the idea of discipline as we traditionally understand it is flawed. Mainly because it is rooted in the perception that discipline is a virtue.
Spoiler alert: it is not.
Landing on a draft that compressed all my ideas into ten minutes was not easy. It took hours of scratching, adding, and scratching things out again. That had one advantage though: I learned the talk relatively quickly as I wrote it. And, well, I have been talking about this topic for so long that I already knew what I wanted to say. I just needed to find the words and the structure that could carry the message in ten minutes.
From talking with the other speakers, I realized the challenge was similar for many of us. Rehearsal gave me space to see that what I was feeling was normal, and that made me feel even more supported.
That night I barely slept. Enough to stay sharp for the talk, not enough to feel rested in the morning. But against all odds, I got out of bed that morning feeling hopeful and strangely confident.
The wait in the room reserved for speakers was long.
Long enough to give me time to practice my talk and meditate. I kept trying to figure out why I felt so confident, because in the past, feeling like that usually felt like the prelude to things going wrong.
After thinking for a while, or what felt like a while, I realized that this time the confidence came from a different place: I had practiced my talk multiple times, practically every night, and on the nights I did not, I followed my own advice. I did not focus on the streak. I focused on coming back each time.
When it was my turn, I just told myself: you know the drill.
That was it.
It was my turn.
The red carpet feels heavier when you are standing there, in front of everyone. I managed to pull myself together and started the talk:
“What do a startup failure, a breakup, and the 2008 subprime crisis have in common?”
Strangely, those ten minutes did not feel endless the way I thought they would.
They felt like a blink.
I shared my idea. That was it.
People nodding. Claps. Lots of claps.
Then just a blur.
After the talk, I sat down and meditated some more. I let myself dwell, intentionally, on what I could have done better. I tried to see myself through the eyes of a spectator. Then I pulled myself together and looked at the other side of it: the idea is now out there.
In the minds of others.
I made the effort to create the kind of experience where the audience could see the idea grow in themselves, by themselves.
I hope that when the video comes out, you go through that same experience.
A lot of people told me they liked the talk.
My wife confirmed that it was solid.
I believe her.
👉 Want to actually train this, not just read it?
Each week, alongside this reflection, I publish a short practice guide — something you can work through in 10 minutes on a slow day, so the idea sticks when a hard day hits.
It’s called the Paid Companion. $9.99/month.
What I want you to take home from this experience is that if you know how much effort you have put into your work, you have every right to feel confident. Your brain might still try to self-sabotage, like mine was trying to do, but when that happens, use the memory of yourself walking the walk so you can avoid that drift.
And if you drift, and get nervous, always remember that there is a way back.
At any point.
In our next paid companion, we will talk about ways to keep your brain from self-sabotaging when the stakes are high.
If you are interested in my philosophy, my work, and how it can benefit you, take a look at my website: www.cizambra.com
Feel free to message me with your questions, ideas, or feedback.
I read everything.
For now, I hope that after reading this, when you watch the talk, you remember how I felt and see whether that comes through in the video.
Have a wonderful week!
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